01: The Interview

Episode 1: The Interview

INTRO

EDWITH

...alright. Go ahead.

JACK

Hi! I’m Jack. What you’re about to hear is based on a true story, my--

JOSE

It’s not really based on a true story, is it? More like. Found footage.

JACK

Okay. Not based. Start again. Hi! I’m Jack. What you’re about to hear is found footage--

EDWITH

I expect she said “based” in that it is incomplete. We do not include the meddlesome bits. But it isn’t footage at all. That implies film.

ILCI

‘Footage’ as a definition traditionally refers to audio, in fact.

JOSE

Really? Huh.

JACK

Listen! Listen closely, it’s all real and very, very important.

But ...also try to enjoy yourself along the way!

GROUP (-JACK)

[Laughter]

JACK

...What? I want them to enjoy themselves!

JOSE

You still think this is some grand adventure, don’t you?

JACK

It’s my story. Our story.

Thanks for listening to...Jack of All Trades.

JOSE

Is that seriously what we’re calling it--?

[Cut to intro music.]

SCENE ONE

[Sound of Keystone turning on triggered by JACK’s voice. Elevator doors close in the distance, JACK enters.]

JACK

--oh. Huh, right into the penthouse. Very fancy. Who does interviews in their own home?

[Enter EDWITH. She closes the door behind her.]

EDWITH

I do.

[She goes to the kitchen bar where the KEYSTONE is, sets aside JACK’s resume, then walks to JACK.]

It's not unusual for Fidus Achates managers to conduct business from their residence, which is, itself, generally Fidus Achates property.

Jacqueline Withers? For the ten o'clock interview?

JACK

Yes!

You’re...

Wow.

Hi.

Hi! You can call me Jack.

EDWITH

It's good to meet you, Jack. Edwith Knight.

JACK

Hi!

So, uh, you live here?

EDWITH

I do. And I'll be conducting your interview here. For the position of Senior Repairs Respondent, correct?

JACK

Yes!

Interview, right. Yep, I am all about responding to repairs.

EDWITH

Glad to hear it. Please, take a seat. And excuse the mess!

[Barstools pulled back, Jack sits, Ed gets arranged]

JACK

Oh, this is nothing. You should see my place. Always looks like a tornado just came through.

EDWITH

Oh? That’s a shame. I’ve always preferred a bit more order, myself. I’m looking for someone that can keep things a bit more... tidy.

JACK

It’s not that I can't keep things tidy! My uh. My workbench is always immaculate. I got these little sticker labels for a whole plastic drawer...thing. You know, like the ones people keep bits and bobs in? Great for nails and screws, and...screw...drivers. And stuff.

EDWITH

Perfect. Then you have your own tools?

JACK

No. Well! I did. But I don't anymore. Because of moving. They're all packed up, somewhere in the deep dark depths of a storage unit three hours south of here. Um.

What about you? Are you from around here?

EDWITH

No, I'm actually pretty new to the area myself.

JACK

Maybe we can get to know the city... together.

EDWITH

That might be nice.

[Beat]

So, if your belongings are in storage, does that mean you would be interested in the offer to live on-site if you were to take this job?

JACK

Yes! Yes. Very much. A...a one bedroom, right? Apartment?

EDWITH

Yes.

JACK

Great, perfect. I don’t...I mean, I don’t need anything as nice as this, but someplace to... You really do have a nice home.

EDWITH

Thank you. Shall we begin?

JACK

You're the boss. Uh. Future boss. Hopefully! Sorry...

EDWITH

Right, I saw you listed--

[She sets the copy of JACK’s resume between them. Reads from it.]

‘complete restoration of historic homes with appropriate materials for the period’ and ‘Hyperbaric welding on oil rigs in the Pacific’ and ‘High-voltage transmission line maintenance.’ It’s the most impressively diverse application I’ve ever received! But how would you describe yourself outside of work? What kind of person would I be hiring?

JACK

Right! Well, I guess it’s hard to sum myself up. I’m interested in a lot of different things. I’m a writer, on the side, I love being creative. But like, I also used to fence. I was nationally ranked, could probably have gone Olympic.

EDWITH

Really? I'm rather fond of swordplay myself. Are you still in practice?

JACK

I've still got my sabre, I try to keep up. What about you?

EDWITH

I prefer epee, personally. Perhaps we can duel sometime.

What else interests you, then?

JACK

Just about anything, I really enjoy trying new things. Exploring.

EDWITH

Like... a Jack of all trades?

JACK

Big talk for a Knight in shining armour.

EDWITH

[Laughs]

It’s been a while since I’ve slayed a dragon.

So what is it about Fidus Achates that caught your interest?

JACK

Well, you guys own... Basically everything in Seattle, right?

EDWITH

A majority of residential and recreational properties, sure. That’s fair.

JACK

Then I would be helping the whole city in a way. And everyone in the city. Sort of like a superhero.

[Pause]

I know that sounds cheesy...

EDWITH

Cheesy, yes, but the notion is oddly romantic.

JACK

Yeah?

EDWITH

Mmhm. So you are interested in the opportunity to connect with others?

JACK

Oh, yeah, go with that. That’s much better.

EDWITH

I’ll be sure to highlight it in my notes.

JACK

[Laughs.]

You have a real way with words. Are you a writer, too?

EDWITH

Most of the writing I do is for Fidus Achates and I don’t think that will end up on any best sellers list.

JACK

Hey, you never know! Maybe a lot of people want to read about the inner workings of Fidus Achates!

[Laughs]

EDWITH

[Laughing]

Maybe so! I imagine there would be lines out the door waiting to read books about how I spend my day. Tell me, what does your family think of your career aspirations? Do they see you as a writer or a talented repair technician?

JACK

They don't--

We don't talk so much, lately. Not a lot of friends in the area, either, so...I guess no one has any thoughts on my career path.

But that's ok! New beginnings, right?

EDWITH

I like the sound of ‘new beginnings.’ So, what are your thoughts, then?

JACK

My thoughts?

EDWITH

On your career path.

JACK

Superhero wasn't telling enough?

EDWITH

It was telling, but I mean aside from ‘superhero.’

JACK

I don’t really...I don't know. That’s... probably not the right answer in a job interview, is it?

EDWITH

Probably not conventionally, no. But I appreciate the honesty. I find it refreshing.

JACK

That’s me. Like a cold cup of iced coffee on a humid morning.

EDWITH

I prefer tea, myself.

JACK

Of course you do.

EDWITH

Well. Let's move on. I believe I have most of what I need to know from you, let's talk about some of the technical aspects of the job.

[Sound of Keystone being moved]

I should perhaps have asked this from the start, but do you consent to this interview being recorded?

JACK

Uh, sure. What is that, a necklace?

EDWITH

Only in that it’s worn around the neck. It's a bit more than just a necklace.

JACK

Ah, ok. Um. Can I ask why you want to record this?

EDWITH

It seems you can! I find recordings to be vastly better at capturing an experience than note-taking. It’s also good practice for compiling day-to-day data. You might be amazed by how many potential liabilities the 'necklaces’ resolve.

They’re called Keystones. This would be your Keystone, if you got hired. It’s a multifunctional tool; a recording device, a skeleton key, a long distance communication device, and... Well, I guess you could say it’s pretty. I suppose it could be a necklace too.

JACK

Oh! A Keystone! I don't think I've run into this model, but I had one at a uh. Past employment. Really handy how they just do all that.

EDWITH

You've worked with Keystones before?

JACK

Yeah, they're super common for repairmen. Repair people, I guess. Hah. Aren't they?

EDWITH

I’ve certainly never hired a Respondent before with prior Keystone experience. I’m impressed!

JACK

Uh, well, I mean that they're common b-back where I'm from. California. Does Fidus Achates have a lot of properties in California?

EDWITH

In Northern California, yes.

JACK

Ah, yeah. See, that's why. It's a SoCal thing. Can't throw a Keystone without hitting eight other Keystones. That's what I always say.

[Nervous laugh]

EDWITH

How fortunate for us, then. But you shouldn’t throw your keystone.

JACK

Sorry, tangent. I'm familiar with them, but uh. Not this model. Specifically. Like I said before! So, you could keep explaining how it works. If you wanted.

EDWITH

My goal is not to bore you with things you already know. It seems you are more qualified than I previously thought!

JACK

What? No! I mean, yes, I'm qualified but. This model, right here--

[JACK fidgets with Keystone.]

EDWITH

Careful.

JACK

--this little orange fella must be top of the line. Really something special. I would love to hear about it. ...Please?

EDWITH

...Very well. This particular Keystone would be yours if you were to accept the position. It doesn't require any maintenance or tending from you, as most of its functions are automated. It’s recording our conversation right now and it will automatically upload the file to the Fidus Achates cloud once it senses a lull in audio activity. The activation threshold is somewhere around 45 decibels, if I'm not mistaken.

JACK

It's automatic? That's pretty cool.

EDWITH

Mmhm. You don’t need to worry about learning any of the technical aspects. As a skeleton key it will open all Fidus Achates property locks.

JACK

All Fidus Achates properties? Apartments, suburb houses, strip malls, even the police station and city hall?

EDWITH

Yes. I hope you see why we are extra cautious about recording your activities. A Fidus Achates Keystone holder wields a lot of power.

JACK

There go my plans to rob the bank on sixth. Hah. ...Kidding! Haha, sorry, only kidding. Oh god. A bad joke, sorry.

EDWITH

You seem to be familiar with the properties we manage, at least.

JACK

Hey, I make dumb jokes, but I do my homework!

EDWITH

Strangely reassuring.

JACK

That's me. Me and the keystone. Super reliable. Except I’m not full of ...wires.

EDWITH

Wires?

JACK

Yeah. Connecting. Stuff.

EDWITH

...I will admit that I’m not terribly skilled in repair or mechanics. I should take your word for it.

JACK

That's why you're hiring me, right? To know this stuff.

EDWITH

Why I’m considering hiring you, yes.

JACK

Right! Considering. You're a big fan of details, aren't you.

EDWITH

Mmhm. It’s my job to be concerned with details.

JACK

Classic Ed!

EDWITH

I prefer for employees to call me Ms. Knight, if you don’t mind.

JACK

Yup. Got it.

EDWITH

Of course you know how to make a call on a keystone network, right?

JACK

Yes, of course! Who doesn't!

EDWITH

Good! Then go ahead and try making a call for me. You can call my keystone so we can check the connection.

JACK

Yeah! Yeah, totally. ...Oh, right now? Oh! Okay, got it. I’ll just call uh. You! Uh…

[Sound of JACK picking up the Keystone and slipping it over her head. Shuffling of EDWITH’s chair as she comes closer. EDWITH reaches forward and takes the Keystone, then presses the button to start the call. Keystone beeps to indicate it’s ready to receive a command.]

EDWITH

'Call Edwith Knight.'

[Keystone confirmation sounds, then dialing. Then EDWITH’s keystone ringing. She presses a button on hers, answering the call.]

'Testing.'

[Hear echo from second keystone]

JACK

Oh nice, yours is red? How do I get a red one?

EDWITH

You don't, unless you find yourself promoted. To end the call, press this button here.

[EDWITH presses the button to hang up JACK’s, the keystone beeps indicating the call ended. Sounds of EDWITH’s keystone call ending.]

The keystone will remain active and recording for the most part. However, if the need should arise to have it deactivated, allow for five seconds of silence.

JACK

Got it. The automatic shut off after five seconds...that's a little different from the ones I'm used to. But now I know!

EDWITH

Mmhm. For whatever it’s worth to you, you have 'passed' this element of your interview.

JACK

Really? Even after--well shit! I mean. Shoot. Sorry, boss. Hah. That's amazing! When can I uh... When could I move into my apartment? My living situation is--

EDWITH

[Speaking over her]

The Keystone is ready to imprint on you, at least for now. That should cover you for the next week while you complete the practical portion of your interview. ...Ah, sorry, my attention was elsewhere. Did you say something?

JACK

The practical! O-Of course. My favorite part of repair jobs. Proving I can... fix things. Awesome.

EDWITH

We don't have any complaints complex enough to flex all of your more impressive stated qualifications, so you’ll have to make do with some faulty circuitry. Unit 22B, within this building. Fourth floor.

[Papers shuffling, then both of them standing up. ]

I trust you will be able to handle it over the next week or so?

JACK

Week? Oh sure. Gimme three days.

EDWITH

That would be impressive.

JACK

That's me, best respondent in the west!

EDWITH

Lucky me! Please keep your Keystone on you, and feel free to begin whenever you like. Here are our property maps, and your future teammate, Jose Perez, will likely meet you on-site. Our archives of tenant data are stored in the computer room marked right there. It’s a restricted floor, but your Keystone should grant you access. I trust you're familiar enough with tenant/client databases that there's no need for me to walk you through the system.

JACK

Totally. Yes. Is, uh.

[Hesitates]

Is that it?

EDWITH

For now, yes. Until after you've completed your task.

JACK

Great! So, uh.

[JACK takes a step closer.]

Once I'm done with this, do you think... Could I take you out for coffee? Or tea, rather?

EDWITH

Oh! Jack, I...I would like that, I think. But it simply wouldn't be appropriate for your interviewer to...

JACK

Not appropriate. Yeah, it's cool. I get it.

EDWITH

We should really try to avoid the scrutiny of HR. But maybe...

No, it really wouldn't be appropriate.

JACK

I completely understand! At least if I get the job we'll get to work together!

EDWITH

Yes, certainly! It was lovely to meet you, Jack.

[EDWITH starts to walk back towards her office.]

JACK

You, too.

EDWITH

[EDWITH pauses.]

Oh, and Jack? I wish you the best of luck.

JACK

Thank you!

[EDWITH closes the door behind her. JACK walks back to the elevator, presses the button to summon it. The doors open, JACK gets inside. Doors close. Elevator moves. ]

Well damn, now I don't know if I want this to go well. She might be worth living on the streets.

[5 seconds of silence in the elevator, Keystone disengages]

SCENE TWO

JACK

Okay, okay.

[JACK’s voice starts the keystone]

Ok, how hard can electrical problems be? You got this.

[Knocks on door]

Come on, answer the door...

[Knocks again, pause]

Ok, fine. Keystone it is. How does this--

[Beep and unlocking sound]

Oh. Nice.

[Opens door with ominous creak]

Hello? Uh...maintenance? Repairs senior--repairs response?

[Beat]

I'm here to fix the lights, or. Whatever?

[Door closes, footsteps as she walks in. Under breath]

I know you're here, even if you are moving furniture around in the dark.

[Out loud]

If you don't mind, I'm just gonna--

JOSE/GHOST

You don't belong here...

JACK

Oh fuck--I mean, hi! I didn't see you there, sorry, I'm here from...I'm here to fix your electricity? I heard the lights were flickering, that you might be having some...trouble...are you ok?

JOSE/GHOST

You don't belong here.

JACK

I know, but, see, I do! Because I'm here from the owners of the, uh, building. Your landlord?

[Beat]

I'm here to fix the electrical issues?

[Scraping sound of furniture moving, like a wooden chair on a kitchen floor.]

Oh, is someone else...here?

I'm just going to turn on a--

[Lightswitch, intermittent buzzing of a flickering fluorescent light.]

Wow, that is really flickering.

[Nervous laugh]

That's not making you look creepier or anything. Look, I'm sorry I interrupted...whatever. Is there another time that would be more convenient for you? Preferably later today?

JOSE/GHOST

You don't belong here!

JACK

Sorry about that! I'm just going to take a quick look, the light in the kitchen is really going…

[Beat]

Seriously, are you ok? Your eyes... Maybe blinking would help?

[Footsteps, then harsh scraping as a chair slides in front of her and she stops.]

Uh. Was that. How did you.

[Beat]

Do you have some fishing wire rigged or something...

[Shuffling as she examines the chair.]

Huh, neat trick.

[Nervous laugh]

Hey, I'm just gonna check out the bulb real quick, ok? I just really need this job, I need this to go well, and--

JOSE/GHOST

[Voice clearly messed up now, at least two voices at once]

You don't belong here. GO AWAY, GET OUT.

JACK

You know, I'm starting to think this isn't a problem with the wiring--

JOSE/GHOST

GO AWAY. GOOO.

[More furniture scrapes on the floor.]

JACK

[Under breath]

Shit, shit, shit.

[Louder]

Hey buddy? I'll get out of here now. I don't belong here, right?

[More scraping, closer to Jack (and therefore the Keystone).]

Go away, right? That'll be easier if you get out of my way...

JOSE/GHOST

GET OOOOUUUT

JACK

I'M TRYING.

[Breathes, more coaxing tone]

I'd like to, I really would, but you see the door is over there…

[Under breath]

Haunted, of course this place is ding-dang haunted.

[Jack opens some cabinet doors, sounds of her grabbing things off the shelf.]

JOSE/GHOST

Leave or I'll KILL YOU.

JACK

[Distracted, looking for weapons]

I hear ya, buddy.

[Grabs plate]

Oh, hey, look at this plate! Is this yours? Hey why don't you go get it!

[She throws the plate across the room. We hear it break, then a pause.]

Ok, not a dog ghost, got it.

[Sound of throwing, dish bounces off body and breaks on ground]

Oh hey that didn't go through you! Is that a good thing? Are you not a ghost?

JOSE/GHOST

[Voice getting progressively weirder, more clearly horrory, talking faster]

Go. Get out. Go away. Get out...

JACK

Yeah, man, I'm trying... Let’s try frying pan.

[Sounds of frying pan thunking against JOSE/GHOST]

Nothing? Not even a concussion? Seriously--oh, shit, oh shit okay--uhhh.

[Sound of bag of dry pasta hitting JOSE/GHOST]

Dry pasta. About as useful as expected. Uh. Flour--No. Salt? A bag of salt? Who buys salt in bulk--

[JOSE/GHOST screeching and hurling furniture at JACK.]

The salt will do!

[Throws]

Shit!

[JOSE/GHOST lets out an OTHERWORLDLY WAIL and JACK books it. Footsteps, heavy breathing, the door opening and slamming shut, all while the ghost screams, only muffled once she slams the door shut behind her. JACK panting, but the keystone beeps & turns off after five seconds.]

SCENE THREE

JACK

[Keystone booting up beeps. Sounds of elevator opening and closing, JACK walking into EDWITH’s apartment.]

Alright. It’s alright. It’s probably alright. Deep breaths. You only left one dead--undead?--body in the apartment. Broke a couple plates. No need for cops, right? And look, no cops here! That’s a good sign--

EDWITH

[EDWITH’s heels clicking on the tile.]

Good morning, Jack. Go ahead and have a seat.

JACK

Morning, Mz. Knight.

EDWITH

After yesterday’s events, I believe Ed would be just fine.

JACK

Yup, that’s... That makes sense.

[She clears her throat.]

So the electricity problem in Unit 22b--

EDWITH

I will admit, I was surprised.

JACK

Yeah. I uh, I can explain. I think. Look--

EDWITH

I assumed you were joking about fixing the issue within three days. But you managed it within a single day!

JACK

...What?

EDWITH

The apartment will be ready to go back on the market within the month, thanks to your work. No more flickering, no more sparking, nothing. Very well done, Jack.

JACK

I... Thanks? Thanks!

EDWITH

Are you alright? Did you have difficulty sleeping?

JACK

Yes.

[A pause.]

I’m alright.

EDWITH

[Paper shuffling, then sliding across the counter. The click of a pen.]

The job is yours if you want it. Sign here, here, and here. The third line secures the apartment as part of your contract.

JACK

Oh. Wow. Gotta say, did not expect this. Hah.

EDWITH

Really? What did you expect?

JACK

I... Y’know what? I don’t know.

[Laughs]

EDWITH

[Laughs with her]

So is that a yes? Will you be joining my team?

JACK

Oh! Yes! I...yes. Yep! I...I do!

[Sounds of JACK signing the papers.]

EDWITH

Mm. You’re welcome to move in whenever you like.

[Barstool pushing out as JACK goes through the pages.]

I have some more tenant reports to sort through, so I trust that you’ll let yourself out when you’re ready. Be here to check in for your next batch of assignments tomorrow, around seven.

JACK

I’ll bring coffee! Tea! If you still won’t let me take you out for some...

EDWITH

You can have the job or get the girl, but not both.

JACK

Understood. See you in the morning, boss. Mz. Knight. Ed.

EDWITH

See you in the morning, Jack.

[Five seconds of silence before the Keystone beeps and turns off.]